"For me to live is Christ and to die is gain..."

Yes, I do count my blessings. But I was thinking about losses... Or are they losses? I read over a passage we memorized in Philippians and it's actually the title of this post. "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

The losses (which have become gain) that I've experienced have not been material. You can always count on there being a curse as well as a blessing to who and where you are at any given time, it's part of the fall.

Being the youngest in the family has been one of the greatest and worst things in my life. The very best part is looking up to my older siblings, learning from them, watching, learning from their success and those things that haven't been so successful.

Where the blessing and curse lies most rooted is in the love and bond I have for them and with them. It's eerily strong in my eyes and it's probably possible that I'm far more attached to them than what is healthy. (Haha, but I can't speak for their relationship with me) If it were to ever come to it, I would die for them in a heartbeat and without a second thought.

The more cursed part of that loyalty lies in where I stand in the age group. I am the youngest of the family and I'm going to probably be the last at home. Already, three of my six siblings have left home, that is by far the biggest gap in my heart.

But then... The curse is also a blessing. It makes me so much more aware of what I ought to cling to, Christ. No matter how much I love my brothers and sisters, my love and thirst for Christ should outweigh it by far. I know I should not and am not alone.

This is the hardest thing for me to come to grips with in my every day and spiritual life. It's the constant brokenness that cannot be healed until we stand before God in Christ.

To rephrase what Paul said, for me to be with my brothers and sisters would be the grace of Christ and to be apart from them (torn) is to glorify God where he has placed me.

Soo... just thought I'd share that thought...

-Me